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What is Confidence?

David Logan 445 Comments

Video – VLog #54

What is confidence and self-esteem?

How to build self-confidence?

Why is confidence and self-esteem important?

Script – VLog #54

David Logan: Hi and welcome to vlog 54 where we introduce the Techno Dinosaur and the IT Geek, me. I’m David Logan based here in Annan, south west of Scotland, based in U.K. We’re going global, it’s technology. With me today…. Sorry, as the I.T. Geek, I take the complexity, the jargon out of technology for you the home worker. With me today is my normal culprit, normal partner, Willie Nicol, over here. So, Willie, how are you and where are you?

Willie Nicol: I’m very well David, obviously a lot better than you by the way. However, I’m Willie Nicol, the Techno Dinosaur. But I’m also a personal development life coach. I’m based in Troon, South Ayrshire, Scotland, U.K. So, David, I have to ask you, have you been boxing again?

David Logan: These things happen when I do somersaults on the stairs.

Willie Nicol: Ah!

David Logan: I miss-stepped and next I knew I was flat on the floor. Thankfully I was carrying no computer equipment and thankfully it was a carpet at the bottom, so I’m still alive and kicking.

Willie Nicol: Splendid.

David Logan: These things happen. I just wish I’d had a few beers. It would have made the story a bit better. Right, my turn this week Willie to give you a question. A lot of people struggle with confidence, probably no more than myself, in certain topics. How can we improve that confidence? How can we gain that confidence?

Willie Nicol: That’s a very good question David. This is something that’s coming up for me in a coaching sense more and more often. So, what is confidence? If you Google it or you look in a dictionary .… Is it self-esteem? Is it self-belief? Is it faith in yourself and your abilities? Confidence is based on the Latin word called “fidere”, which is a verb which means to trust. So, confidence is trust in ourselves, or trust in a situation that everything will work out okay.

Willie Nicol: So, where do we get confidence from? You could argue that we’re either born with it or we learn it. I subscribe to a wee bit of both, right. We’re probably going to suffer from a lack of confidence when we are in unfamiliar territory, we’re out of our comfort zone, we’re doing something that we haven’t done before or done very, very little of. But just think back to when you we’re a kid and you started riding a bike. You probably weren’t very confident then but eventually through practice and keeping at it, you became confident and you ride your bike no problem.

Willie Nicol: Similarly, later in life, you probably weren’t very confident when you got behind the wheel of a car for the very first time. But you learned, you probably had an instructor or a member of your family and the more you learned the more confident you became, the more at ease you became in that situation. And you passed your driving test and then we drive without even thinking about it.

Willie Nicol: So, in that kind of scenario or these kinds of scenarios, we say we learned from experience and we became confident in that environment because we did it and did it and did it again till we got to a level of confidence. So, if we can do that, riding a bike and learning to drive, we can apply the same principles in virtually every situation. But again, as I say, if we’re unfamiliar with that particular situation, it’s possible we’ll suffer a lack of confidence.

Willie Nicol: Now, apart from just learning and learning and doing it and doing it and doing it we often forget a number of things, right. We forget that we are unique, there’s only one David Logan and there’s only one Willie Nicol and we should remember that and celebrate it, right. Following on from that is, don’t compare ourselves with other people. Comparisons are futile and actually negative, right. So, if you think that person over there is very confident and you try and compare yourself with that person it’s not going to be helpful. We can often get into a situation where a lack of confidence is based upon a limiting belief we have. Limiting beliefs is a big, big area of coaching but, in simple terms, we don’t believe that we can do something, or we don’t believe in our ability. “Oh, I can’t do that ….” “Oh, I’ll not be able to manage that”. “Oh, I’ll never be able to get that done”, right.

Willie Nicol: So, we kind of talk ourselves into not being confident which is again negative and very unhelpful. For the simple solution to that is to tell ourselves, “Yeah I can do that. I’ve learned to drive. I’ve learned to ride a bike. I’ve learned to climb a tree. I’ve learned how to use a computer”, right. “And now I’m quite confident in those environments so, if I can do it once, I can do it again”. But if we continue with that negative talk to ourselves, “Oh, I can’t do that, I can’t do that …. I’ll not be able to ….”, we start to believe it and that can have a dent in our confidence. Is this making sense so far?

David Logan: Absolutely, yes.

Willie Nicol: Brilliant. So, we have a perception about ourselves and we perceive ourselves and other people in a particular way which then kind of becomes real to us. So, if we perceive ourselves as not being confident, that’s going to impact our level of confidence. Now it’s not just a question of flicking a switch, snapping your fingers and all of a sudden you go from lack of confidence to being confident. But there are certain things you can do which again are down to perception and are down to what we tell ourselves.

Willie Nicol: For example, something as simple as standing up straight, putting your shoulders back, your posture, right. You don’t see Greek sculptures slouching, all these sculptures are upright, commanding and that’s the way that the sculptor made them.

Willie Nicol: So, a simple thing is before you go out in the morning stand up straight, put your shoulders back, pull your chin up, that way you will at least look confident. And, if you look confident, there’s every chance you’ll become confident. And other people will see …. “Oh, there’s a confident person” simply by looking at your posture. It also applies to what you say. If you speak confidently, and that sometimes can be a learning thing, that will help you become more confident. Now, the Latin …. trust, faith, having faith in yourself, trusting in yourself that you’re able to do whatever it is will only serve to boost your confidence. You tell yourself, “I can do that. I will do that. I’m going to do that”. And it might take you a couple of goes but bear in mind the other situations previously where you felt no confidence at all, but you got through it, you managed it, you succeeded, and you became confident in that environment.

Willie Nicol: Another thing to think about before I finish is …. celebrate small victories. So when you get something done, celebrate it. I don’t mean crack open the champagne or maybe celebrate with your favour chocolate bar or whatever it is. But when you’ve achieved something, give yourself a pat on the back. “I’ve done that. I was out my comfort zone and I wasn’t confident”, exactly, right. Be grateful for that confidence you DO have.

Willie Nicol: You can go online …. I’ve done it about half an hour ago and you can find any number of sites about how to boost your confidence, your self-esteem. Go on there, have a look at them. Some things you might think, “That’s a lot of nonsense”. You might think some of the things I’ve said just now are a lot of nonsense but trust me. It’s all down to you, right. You can be as confident as you want to. There’s an old phrase – “If it’s going to be, it’s down to me”. So, you are the person who’s in control of your confidence levels, your self-esteem, your self-belief. And if you work at that, lived experience will show you that you’ll become more confident. So, I hope that’s been useful.

David Logan: Very useful, thank you Willie. Great topic to pick on today and thank you for that information. To you the viewer, if you want more, if you fall in that category and you need to improve your confidence, speak to Willie. I know him, he’s very good. Any comments drop below and message us up above. Parting comments Willie?

Willie Nicol: No, I think that’ll do us for now. Anyone who wants to explore this further, by all means get in touch with me. We can have a chat about how to boost your confidence. But in the meantime, I will just say to everyone, stay safe, stay well and remember ….. have a bit of fun on the way. Goodbye for now.

David Logan: Before we go, remember, find our channel, search “The Techno Dinosaur Meets The I.T. Geek”. The I.T Geek is here; the Techno Dinosaur is over there. Have a good week everybody, stay safe, stay well, keep smiling. Cheers.

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